Thank you!

Although the Gregorian end of this year is some 3 weeks away from now, this Saturday still has been some kind of a closure to me. This Saturday was the last of this year (2008) I visited him (the sea).

This year (as the previous and the one before) has been extremely difficult on me. But......there was a plus side to it all as well. I have been more lucky than most people to have been in a position to visit the sea more often than any hard-working person could ever hold for possible. Sometimes 3-4 times or more and sometimes a full 7 times per week. The influence of the sea on me is indescribable - there are no words that can explain that feeling. It's overwhelming, tantalizing, passionate, sweeping me off my feet and totally relaxing at the same time - but more, much, much more I feel when I am near him. In simple words: I couldn't have made it through this year if not for him: my best friend = the sea.

And so with this last post for a while I want to show my gratitude for that. For everything surrounding these walks and visits to the sea. The flowers I saw start to bloom in April (after my eye surgery) and the energizing feeling I literally felt flowing through my pained heart with each step I took on those (long, long) walks. It felt as if oxygen was pumped through my hurt, clearing it, very slowly.... make it not shout out anymore. The birds and other animals (like cats :p ) who showed that love and trust and just being respected is what it is all about. The wonderful people I met who returned my believe in human beings again after it had been blotted by years of indoctrination during my marriage, the waiter, the fishermen, the chat-people (and you all know who you are) on msn and so on. The people at income tax (yes, that's a 'gross' one, but it's true) - my colleagues and my only reallife friend Hana. Random people I didn't know and will never see again but added so much positiveness to my view on people. There are too many people and things to mention. But all have contributed to an overall balanced feeling I am having now which is much more positive than it has been in many, MANY, years. Thank you all !!!

I'm still in for many challenges when I return at the beginning of next year (2009) and I know it's not going to be easy. But still.... if I had to do it all over again: I would. It is better to live with uncertainty and hope than it is to live with certainty and no hope....

On to today=========>>

At Fairytaletree I noticed a new "sack" developing - for me a symbolizing 'statement' - as if a new chance was being given.... For the tree: after all its flowers fell off and some of the bamboo looking branches that makes this tree so special, a new beginning --- perseverance.

At the wavebreaker, the fisherman that offered me once to not feel ashamed to take advantage of his 'services' *_* was into hinting on those sexually tinted communications again. I forgive him ;-) He's a nice man and I know how to manipulate our conversation in a manner that he has no way of going on about it :D I don't like to hurt a nice man, no matter if he tries to be naughty or not.

The fishermen at my mezah were joking about me being late again (left the house past 7 a.m.) and I jokingly apologized and said I would not be late anymore :D The 'cartees' (punch card stating hours one has worked) is the joke between us now. There are some fishermen that are still a bit on the versiertoer (figure that one out :D ) but overall they're OK with me now. I will probably always stay a 'female' in a men's crowd but I dare say I have blurred that distinction to some extent - and am now (at the end of the year) more and more 'one of them'.

And then it began.... I approached the end of my mezah step by step (with pauses) - and as I was overthinking the whole situation from the first time I stood there and until now (and got tears in my eyes) - and made up some wonderful poem thanking the sea...... he HIT me *_*. As if to remind me of the summer (when he always threw a wave over me exactly at the moment I decided it was time to start the return home walk) ... I was TOTALLY drenched! Completely wet. My hair, my clothes, everything. Even -as I later discovered- my cell phone started vibrating again (in protest). (Just had the hair dryer on it and luckily enough it is working again).

Standing on the boardwalk later on in order to dry up a bit (and check my camera, because the backpack it was in was soaked as well) - I saw a little, blonde boy walk down my mezah... It was such a weird experience... It felt like a part of me walked out on me with him. He acted exactly as me. Stood still near the puddles of water in the middle to check up on lost fish and crabs - and see anything interesting - Approached the fishermen with curiosity. Watched the waves and hesitated a bit but also wanted to let nothing pass him without experiencing it, so proceded forwards... His whole bodylanguage was my inner me.... I was that boy.

======================

For the very first time in over 4 years I am going to be away from the internet. I need it. I want it. I decided so.

I am going to be with family and let myself be submerged in unconditional love from the ones I have neglected too much for too long while I was trying to fix things that couldn't be fixed.

But... I will be back. In Israel. And, I am going to fight. As a lion. Because... this is my HOME. This is where I belong. This is where I feel happy. This is where I have spent ALL of my adult life. And... I am going to win.


=====

photos:

1. my youtube clip of one of the most uplifting events happening at the tayelet every saturday - people of all "plumage" enjoy the very same thing: folkdancing. The clip I recorded is rare though. Usually cheerful songs are being played there but I suppose it is the 'yad ha-goral' that made this song be played - perhaps it means to say something to me?
2. Fairytaletree's new bulb ;-)
3. 4. 5. and 6. - the little boy at my mezah that I felt just walked out of me....
7. a wave like that got me soaked today (at the end of that mezah)
8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13 . & 14 - the reason I cannot ever give up living here (like oxygen I need this)

15. the skies of today (a main reason I can't live in the NL's - the skies are so low there - and nobody feels it - but I do)


(for my "chatting" friends: sweethearts, I will not be online until the end of the year -until 2009- Hope to speak with all of you afterwards and wishing all a happy new year)