passionate skies

On my way home from work I suddenly noticed a burning glow started to engulf me. When I turned around I found the skies ablaze... so far high up and yet so intensely close to me, all around me. I can't describe the feeling that got hold of me. There are no words for that. I felt one with all that was nature around me and warmed by the ferocity of what the skies 'said' without words....

Inner- and outer beauty

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes, a few (or many) people that are having the same taste leads them to believe that there is a common ground rule for beauty. But... there is NOT. Not for inner beauty, and not for outer beauty. In fact, that's what makes life so colorful and interesting (amongst other things).

I don't want to sound as if I 'know it all', because I absolutely know NOTHING, nothing AT ALL. However when it concerns the matter of beauty I think I have a little experience due to the fact that I have watched people who thought they found 'beauty' (as in commonly acceptable - which is, in itself, also something someone must watch out for because media and other indoctrinating sources can be of influence there) but were deterred after some exploration in this beauty they found.

We seek perfectionism. All must fit. Inner- and outer beauty. (In our eyes). That is -I think- also the reason so many Tel-Avivians found dogs to be their (temporary) perfect 'partner'. Submissive and totally in fashion - at this present time. Lucky dogs.... (Or, are they?).

Personally, in this period of time, I am struggling between my feelings and my common sense. My conscience. A complicated matter has presented itself to me. I hope I can stay true to myself and finally look back to think I did the right thing. And yes... strangely enough it has a lot to do with 'beauty' (and the thought of the lack of it and all frustrations resulting from that). But beauty IMO also lies in not giving up on yourself even when times get tough (emotionally speaking).

This is a mysterious post for all of you who read here and have no clue what I'm talking about now... But the things I wrote are very general. I just wish I didn't feel such nausea when I hear the word 'general'.

Todays diary....

This clip was made actually at the end of my route when already on my way home.... It is the American Acoustic Guitar Player who drove me to the rim of ecstasy last Shabbat when playing "Whiter Shades of Pale" and watching out over the beach and sea. Today he played Mustang Sally when I arrived. It had a different effect on me - but nonetheless took my soul off the ground and lifted me to places there are no words for to describe:

At the beginning of the route, down at 'good old' Abba Hillel I saw a rather huge fly washing its arms and face while sitting on a leaf in the sun. I think I have intruded on him because the moment my camera was close into his face he stopped his activities and, if I wouldn't know better, I thought he 'watched me'. It's a strange feeling to be watched by a fly :D

I then noticed, at the bridge separating Ramat-Gan from Tel-Aviv, there were buds of flowers on the trees who seemed so eager to burst into bloom.... As if saying "we can't wait for spring, please hurry up". Their passionate red color just enhances that feeling:

Later on, while already having passed the border between Ramat Gan and Tel-Aviv, I wondered about nature having this tree padding itself up with delicate 'branches' around its original branches. Why? What is this good for? Or is it just without meaning?

After the walk to the Nemaal - I found that it was impossible to sit at 'my mezah' due to the waves constantly throwing its water over it (and also I found out Klaas doesn't like being in water). So.... I did something I wouldn't usually do and sat down on the "mole" hill overlooking the sea - (it's too far away from the sea to have had that special 'touch' with him I like so much). Klaas was obviously transmitting me messages .. like: "hey, can't you see I'm tired?"

As we passed "Dog Beach" on our way back to the Sherut - I saw a dog with a life jacket on. It's like jumping through all these little dull grey cells in my brain and standing out: this is so weird (dogs are supposed to be excellent swimmers, whether they like to be in the water or not). I never got round to asking his 'owner' what's the deal - but a photo I took. Obviously....

And that's it. Klaas, Pinkie and me are 'fine'. Though Klaas is playing the rebellion concerning food. I think he came from a real spoiling home before he hit the streets. He expects me to serve him caviar or something? In any case: he doesn't eat his (specially bought and very expensive, I think) dry dog food. I feel I'm failing him because he remains so thin..... Is this what they call a 'hunger strike' ?

Klaas and the Nemaal.... and.so.on

This morning I woke up and found literally tens of dead ticks on the floor next to where my Klaas's sleeping quarters is. That's still not enough tho :( Later on I found huge, grey ticks -that exploded with huge amounts of -my Klaas's- blood when I killed them- I am still holding him on a line within the home. I feel bad about that. But I need to do that. I want him to come back 'home' (his new home) - after having had treatment professionally - and not be attacked with those creeps ever again.

And so.....................

This morning -for the very first time- I set off on my very personal 'route' to the Nemaal with my new friend. He was so gorgeous. I couldn't keep my eyes off him. That's where the "beach report" of today turns sour... I had only eyes for him...

But still, here's an account of the things that caught not only my attention but also my heart and sense of humor this day:

First of all (though happening later in this day) is the clip of the folk-dancers on Tel-Aviv's beach front:

Do they lighten up my day? Yes. Most certainly so... and so ever since I walked this route and 'met' them, (beginning 2008)

It's a different (for me much higher) level of enjoyment when standing there, hearing that

music and seeing so much people enjoy from it that they dance to its tunes...

These are the Police On Skates.... Yes, wouldn't you believe it? Perhaps it exists already but I was sooooo amused by it....

Police on skates. Just imagine them chasing a suspect after a robbery......

Ms. Cat had a bad foot. :( I am so sad because I honestly don't know the medical implications but know that an infection can, if not treated, lead to a fatal consequence. Ms. Cat herself, btw, seemed quite the regular. However I noticed a 'sign of complaint' when she approached ( to give her juicy food) me. I wish I would know what to do :(

She's in some sort of crazy way 'my' cat - so I do feel responsibility for her health...

"A" flower. One of the many I don't know their name of but catch my heart with their beauty. Sending me, even if it were for only one or a few seconds, to Paradise - because I believe Paradise consists of beauty... Like this:

Klaas

This is Klaas. He's my new friend and companion. Hana and me picked him up from the dog compound this morning and soon as he is totally tick-free he will be roaming around this part of the apartment. Klaas smelled horribly (like all the other dogs in the compound where they are doing their needs in the (not too small) cages they also spend their whole day in except for some walks during the day). We just had our first bath... It was a disaster, hahahahaha!!! He's just as afraid of water as was my terrier Doobey. Must be in their genes... Klaas is around 5 years old they say but he's already growing grey hair - also one of his eyes has a problem. But he's very sweet, and that's what counts!!

Welcome home Klaas. I hope I can offer you a pleasant life...

No walk to the Nemaal yesterday. Nothing. Totally nothing... I did. Except wash a lot of dishes that had piled up in the corner of my living room a.k.a. kitchen.

And so when I set out this morning (forgot what time but must have been around 07:30 a.m. approx.) I had this renewed feeling - just like having crept out of a dark, suffocating box and stepping into the sunshine. I vividly remember being 6 years old and sitting near the window in our classroom at school. I saw a flower growing at the yard's garden and I felt immensely jealous of it. I knew flowers don't live all that long but I was very much willing to trade my "prison" with that flower. --Granted, I could have easily walked to the Nemaal yesterday and this imprisonment was voluntary - but I honestly didn't have the ooommpphhhh to initiate anything after having gone through a full working week and other other situations I perceive as serious pressure. Sometimes I think I am not strong enough to face life....until:

I step outside (when I leave with the intention of a 'walk' -as in not walking to work or errands) I walk as if through a different atmosphere - I don't care how I look like or what people might think of me and I also don't let what is taken as "normative" occupy me at all: I only have eye for the things I find beautiful, endearing or otherwise touch my heart) .... and I land into my dream world.

Here are some of the impressions I let this diary share with me....

A flowerbud in Abba Hillel... looking like a peppered strawberry:

One of the very few flowers in a tree at the corner of Abba Hillel and Bialik - a tree that's covering up the benches homeless people are spending the night on... I still don't know if I should feel sorry or envy those people. They have 'nothing' and yet.... they have what's most important: freedom.

A Dandelion along the route - looking so vulnerable and yet as if hiding a secret only letting us believe it's vulnerable...

A closer look... Such complexity, sophistication. It makes me always look at what seems 'simple', and thus supposedly not worth someone's awe, with respect. All due respect.

Enter with me behind the gates of FairytaleLand... Of course there's first of all Fairytaletree (and since it's Tu-Be-Shvat today I hummed 'Happy Birthday' to him) -

He's so solemn and magnificent that usually I feel totally humble when standing in front and underneath him - when visiting him..

And a little before that is Rabbit Hill.. though the naughty, playful living toys do much more go to the playing grounds under Fairytaletree opposite that hill:

Slightly further down the 'trail' (mentally having stepped out of FairytaleLand already) I discovered a totally new species of the Bird Of Paradise - well... at least for me it is totally new. These grow on trees and are blue-ish i/o the orangy-red ones I know that grow on 'bushes' or plants:

I decided not to walk my usual route but continue on at Ibn Gvirol to find the address of the Tsa'ar Ba'alei Ha'yim (which I did, but it was closed as was to be expected). I so much want the company of a dog. I know I can't have a dog because I am not at home most of the time and it would be purely criminal to leave a living creature like that alone during that time but.... My emotions and reality (read: logic) have absolutely no contact with each other and I know my emotions will win and I will end up with a great friend living with me soon. I wish I was able to restrain myself :-(

And so - arriving to the Nemaal 'from the other side' I noticed this exquisite beauty resting near Reading power station. He let me take a few photos of him and then thought it was enough and flew away...

The sea was gorgeous as always. Today he was as grey as were the skies. The wind was blowing so hard I sometimes had to hold on to the balustrade. But it was a feeling of pure ecstasy that this wind blew through me. It lifted me higher and higher and at some point I imagined myself to be flying with the numerous seagulls that were performing their acrobatic stunts in the skies over the sea with the agility and expertise I would like to own. Here they're hunting for food... read = fishing. I ended up with numerous 'empty' photos of the skies because my camera just ain't good enough to capture these virtuosos on picture :-(

The last photo is of the Kitty I placed photos of before. She's really growing and this time, like always, made sure I would notice her - somewhere there under the hedge in Pinkas...

Going to face another week of reality. Such 'is' Life...

Not too much to say

Today is my daughter's birthday. After hard 'labor' (and endlessly long as well) I brought a living creature into this world 30 years ago. I can still remember the feeling of disbelief. DID I DO THIS?? Me? Wow.... Such an accomplishment. I never could have thought I was able to fulfill something so magnificent. A tiny little baby - so complete, so beautiful.

Anyway... life goes on and it is only good we cannot look into the future. At least, not me. This 'future' I am in is as alien to me as sci-fi movies about the 21st century were when I was a kid. How one's own flesh and blood can cut the vein she came from. It's not her fault. But it still hurts. So I go on photographing things that find their way into my heart because of their sole existence that's appearing to me.

Like this snail that I found yesterday at the entrance of the building I live in - in the middle of a, for him, HUGE space... all alone... Like a magnet he attracted me and had me lying on my stomach making pictures of him. Because I so much would like to convey that feeling I'm getting when I see things like him. An inexplicable pure feeling, a connection with awe to nature. To the most primitive form of it that's -actually- the most sophisticated as well:

Happy birthday dear daughter - although you don't celebrate it and say you hate presents ...

Sentimental Old Fool

I am. "The Day After" (my birthday). Having realized that I have ended up belonging to those people 'we' (my family and I) always felt most sorry for (namely the people who don't have family close to them) more than anyone else on the world had me in a drunk fit the night before and in a hang-over on my birthday. Must say I gave myself the best birthday present anyone could give me though: hours upon hours upon hours of sleep. And so... this morning I took off on my regular routine....

The sea must have known something had happened to me the day before as well because he put up a show that was so beautiful it is impossible to lay it down in pictures. He was splashing around high and far, roaring loudly and with the rays of the sun penetrating between every single drop he threw over the railing of the boardwalk PURE bliss was the only feeling I could feel there and then.

The funny thing is that even the birds on route and at the shore seemed all to come out and 'congratulate' me - expressly showing their presence. The Warbles, the Palestine Sunbirds, the Pigeons and Doves, the Seagulls (all of their varieties), the Parrots, the Shags and Comrons - they were all there. Ms. Cat also shot like an arrow out of a bow from out of her hiding place to loudly greet me (and luckily I still had a small tin of soft and savory cat-food in my backpack for her). It was perfect. What I lack on close family I find nature makes up for. It's a pity I can't spend more there but are mostly locked up in work-jail....