I don't want to sound as if I 'know it all', because I absolutely know NOTHING, nothing AT ALL. However when it concerns the matter of beauty I think I have a little experience due to the fact that I have watched people who thought they found 'beauty' (as in commonly acceptable - which is, in itself, also something someone must watch out for because media and other indoctrinating sources can be of influence there) but were deterred after some exploration in this beauty they found.
We seek perfectionism. All must fit. Inner- and outer beauty. (In our eyes). That is -I think- also the reason so many Tel-Avivians found dogs to be their (temporary) perfect 'partner'. Submissive and totally in fashion - at this present time. Lucky dogs.... (Or, are they?).
Personally, in this period of time, I am struggling between my feelings and my common sense. My conscience. A complicated matter has presented itself to me. I hope I can stay true to myself and finally look back to think I did the right thing. And yes... strangely enough it has a lot to do with 'beauty' (and the thought of the lack of it and all frustrations resulting from that). But beauty IMO also lies in not giving up on yourself even when times get tough (emotionally speaking).
This is a mysterious post for all of you who read here and have no clue what I'm talking about now... But the things I wrote are very general. I just wish I didn't feel such nausea when I hear the word 'general'.
Todays diary....
This clip was made actually at the end of my route when already on my way home.... It is the American Acoustic Guitar Player who drove me to the rim of ecstasy last Shabbat when playing "Whiter Shades of Pale" and watching out over the beach and sea. Today he played Mustang Sally when I arrived. It had a different effect on me - but nonetheless took my soul off the ground and lifted me to places there are no words for to describe:
At the beginning of the route, down at 'good old' Abba Hillel I saw a rather huge fly washing its arms and face while sitting on a leaf in the sun. I think I have intruded on him because the moment my camera was close into his face he stopped his activities and, if I wouldn't know better, I thought he 'watched me'. It's a strange feeling to be watched by a fly :D
I then noticed, at the bridge separating Ramat-Gan from Tel-Aviv, there were buds of flowers on the trees who seemed so eager to burst into bloom.... As if saying "we can't wait for spring, please hurry up". Their passionate red color just enhances that feeling:
Later on, while already having passed the border between Ramat Gan and Tel-Aviv, I wondered about nature having this tree padding itself up with delicate 'branches' around its original branches. Why? What is this good for? Or is it just without meaning?
After the walk to the Nemaal - I found that it was impossible to sit at 'my mezah' due to the waves constantly throwing its water over it (and also I found out Klaas doesn't like being in water). So.... I did something I wouldn't usually do and sat down on the "mole" hill overlooking the sea - (it's too far away from the sea to have had that special 'touch' with him I like so much). Klaas was obviously transmitting me messages .. like: "hey, can't you see I'm tired?"
As we passed "Dog Beach" on our way back to the Sherut - I saw a dog with a life jacket on. It's like jumping through all these little dull grey cells in my brain and standing out: this is so weird (dogs are supposed to be excellent swimmers, whether they like to be in the water or not). I never got round to asking his 'owner' what's the deal - but a photo I took. Obviously....
And that's it. Klaas, Pinkie and me are 'fine'. Though Klaas is playing the rebellion concerning food. I think he came from a real spoiling home before he hit the streets. He expects me to serve him caviar or something? In any case: he doesn't eat his (specially bought and very expensive, I think) dry dog food. I feel I'm failing him because he remains so thin..... Is this what they call a 'hunger strike' ?
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